• Rent-A-Hitman

    I wonder what I could do to make my wife want to have me killed. I could ask her I guess but I’d hate to find out I had already driven her to murder, and she just hadn’t wound up the courage to pull the trigger yet. She had a Snapped obsession for a little…

  • New Release Announcement: Blood Red Ivory

    “Some Cases You Solve. Some Cases You Survive.” Really excited to announce the pending release of my seventh novel, and the first in a series, following Special Agent Tyrone Benhoff, Blood Red Ivory. Initially, I came up with Ty. Tyrone Benhoff, Special Agent, Naval Criminal Investigative Service (NCIS). Why NCIS? My former agency has a…

  • You’ll Never Take Me Alive! Yeah, We Will.

    I know I’ve written about car thieves before, but I really liked watching this guy somersault fifty feet off a bridge. These are old sayings and kind of played out but: “Go big or go home.” or “If your gonna do it wrong, do it right.” or “You’ll never catch me, copper!” All seem to…

  • Tweakers and their Vibrators

    In Adelaide, Australia, four people got locked up for kidnap and torture. And it all started with the theft of a sex toy. This quote from the article is priceless: “The court heard the incident began when Janise (name redacted to protect the moronic) who was an ice user, wanted revenge on the victim after…

  • Don’t Tweak and Post

    I found a couple of pretty funny stories out of Florida this week but, man. Florida crime stories are getting to be like the slow kids on the playground. They’re just too easy to pick on. Instead, I found a tweaker in Missouri to write about. And in all honestly, Missouri meth heads are just…

  • Here Kitty Kitty

    I think it’s important to start off by saying this didn’t happen in Florida. Wisconsin either has really cool cat toys or is in serious need of some gun safety training. A 19-year-old named Jashanti (common spelling) in Kenosha, Wisconsin decided to use the laser sight fixed to the frame of a 9mm handgun as…

  • Naked on a Golf Cart

    A naked woman drove a golf cart into the middle of a standoff between police and an armed teenager. The teenager was apparently holding himself hostage on the roof of his home around midnight on September 6th (Happy Labor Day!) when Jessica Smith, 28, refused orders to leave the area and found her bare ass…

  • New Book Release! Acquisitor-A Jackson Cole Novel

    I know this is supposed to be a crime blog. But I got a new book coming out! Acquisitor, A Jackson Cole Novel, preorder now (https://amzn.to/3zhtIGj) arrives September 3rd, 2021. Just in time for a long Labor Day weekend. Acquisitor picks up about a year after the events of Shattered Circle. In Shattered Circle, Detective…

  • Triathlon of Crime

    What do you get when you steal a truck, a tractor, and a kayak all in the same day? Aside from, I’m guessing, a possible meth intervention, you have possibly your first criminal triathlete. Tina Duncan. I’m impressed with your willingness to do whatever it takes to do whatever the hell it was you thought…

  • “Twenty Bucks Says…”

    I’ve never done meth but the look on this guy’s face is exactly what I would expect once he realized what he had tweaked himself into. According to the Smoking Gun referenced below, Mr. Kelly, Doug to his friends, called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office, Florida (of course) because he thought his methamphetamine dealer, lets…

  • Work Smarter Not Harder, Right?

    “Sly smuggler uses Border Patrol for free trips home,” Time is money. I’m not a businessman but I’ve seen Shark Tank enough to understand the phrase. In law enforcement we have another phrase, “You don’t catch the smart ones,” That’s usually because the would-be criminal mastermind failed to see a weakness in their particular scheme…

  • Oh, Mayor Mike, Never a Cop Around When You Need One Huh?

    Authors Note: This is a work of fiction, a Parody no less so relax. Names and places have been changed to protect the ignorant and misguided. Though this is technically not a story about a stupid criminal, this statement was so ignorant, if I wasn’t such a freedom of speech advocate I would want the…

  • How high do you have to be to steal an ambulance?

    There is a guy in Houston, Texas who needed a taco- a Jack in The Box taco no less- so bad he was willing to steal an ambulance to get it. I ask, how high do you have to be to steal an ambulance because: A-Jack In The Box tacos aren’t that great, B-there’s no…

  • The Great Irish Birdseed Caper

    The Great Irish Birdseed Caper

    That’s right, a trio of geniuses in Limerick, Ireland knocked off an armored truck and all they had t show for it was a bag of birdseed. This story brings to mind one immediate question: Who do you think got their ass kicked for this? According to the article, there were a minimum of three…

  • It’s the Little Things

      Has anyone ever told you that it’s the little things that get you? Maybe you didn’t get in as much trouble as I did growing up but I have been told (usually by Mom) and have told (bad guys during my Cop life) that it is the little details, those fine points that even…