I found a couple of pretty funny stories out of Florida this week but, man. Florida crime stories are getting to be like the slow kids on the playground. They’re just too easy to pick on.
Instead, I found a tweaker in Missouri to write about. And in all honestly, Missouri meth heads are just as fun as Florida meth heads.
Facebook Marketplace is great for all sorts of things: bikes, furniture, stolen car parts, meth…A guy in Reed Springs, MO posted a catalytic converter for sale on Facebook Marketplace. The caption read: still in the box, may or may not be listed in a police report somewhere, probably in great working order (Pretty sure the caption didn’t read like that). The accompanying picture was great too, especially the giant bag of meth sitting on a coffee table in the background.
You know how everyone always says, don’t post drunk (or in this case high as Scarface after face planting into a platter of coke), or don’t email angry? Our auto parts dealer, I mean meth dealer, Scott (I’m calling him Scott because he looks like Scott Ian from Anthrax. Yes, new music sucks, still relying on 90’s metal to get me through the gym). I’m betting Scott didn’t follow these simple rules before hitting post or else he would have seen his dope, and works, even a scale, photobombing from the top right. Could happen to anybody, but…ouch. That’s one of those posts that wake you up in the middle of the night shivering in a cold sweat asking yourself, I really shared that? In Scott’s defense though, judging by the amount of crank sitting on the coffee table, Scott probably hadn’t slept in a week. Trying to figure out why your teeth are vibrating most likely doesn’t leave much time for a healthy edit of your social media. And if he’s posting to Facebook Marketplace, what do you think his IG looks like? Or TikTok? Holy shit a tweaker TikTok channel. Yes, please.
According to the article, someone forwarded the image to 5-0 and they got a warrant for Scott’s sweet, sweet, meth dungeon. I hope they wouldn’t have just gone straight raid on him without at least having a little bit of fun first. If it was my case, I’m thinking I’d have the squad call five or six times about the converter and be no-shows for the meet-up. Or even better set up the sale while you got him under surveillance. Every time he gets to the meeting spot call him and change the location. Do that a half dozen times or so just to watch him lose his shit, then arrest him. It sounds mean-spirited but this guy poisons kids so… Sometimes you just gotta make the job work for you, ya know.