• Tweakers and their Vibrators

    In Adelaide, Australia, four people got locked up for kidnap and torture. And it all started with the theft of a sex toy. This quote from the article is priceless: “The court heard the incident began when Janise (name redacted to protect the moronic) who was an ice user, wanted revenge on the victim after…

  • Heavy Sleeper

    A guy in New York City passed out drunk on the street outside his apartment building and got robbed not once, but twice. And he slept through both incidents. According to the article the victim, we’ll call him Tanner for no other reason than this sounds like something a Tanner would do. Tanner went out…

  • Work Smarter Not Harder, Right?

    “Sly smuggler uses Border Patrol for free trips home,” Time is money. I’m not a businessman but I’ve seen Shark Tank enough to understand the phrase. In law enforcement we have another phrase, “You don’t catch the smart ones,” That’s usually because the would-be criminal mastermind failed to see a weakness in their particular scheme…

  • The Mature Blue Stilton, Worth Going to Jail for…

    This is almost as bad as when a fugitive falls for the old, “You won a radio contest gag,” which, by the way, I am proud to say I pulled off in the far distant past. But that’s another story for probably never so moving on. When we look at this story there are a…

  • You Remember to Ditch the Gun, but Forget the Weed Up Your Ass?

    You are a thirteen-time felon by the age of twenty-seven. You shoot yourself in the junk. Despite the pain and shock you are cognizant enough to have your girl ditch the gun. But you forget about the bag of weed up your ass? The report said Cam, Cameron Wilson but we’ll call him Cam, shot…

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